his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
