You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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