u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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