is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
