She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
