Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
