We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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