I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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