So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
