break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
