they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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