What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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