Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
