he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
