first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
