I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
