4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
