apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
bring money and cleavage
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
