You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
