Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize