im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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