dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
