we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
