I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
