she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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