it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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