Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
