Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
