Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
