piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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