you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
