did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
