no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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