check it out our google latitudes are spooning
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
