when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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