dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
