I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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