I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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