i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
