yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
