if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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