Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
