bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
