Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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