Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
