my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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