The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
