I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
