I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize