Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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