i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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