I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
