every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
