Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
