Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
