Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She even gives head with a lisp.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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