We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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