Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
