Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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