I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
