and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
