Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
