I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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