i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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