I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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