I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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