Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
that is very illegal...i love you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
