You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When did angry sex become our thing?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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