OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
