C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think my moral compass just broke
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
