4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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