so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need to align my fucking chakras
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
