There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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