my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
