Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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