its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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