I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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