Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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