mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
are you so shy because you have an std?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
