WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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