I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
