So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
